Title: The First Blog in a long time...


Oh my goodness, it's been a long time since I've blogged. So much has gone on since well, forever. It's hard to know where to start. I've just described to a friend that the only way I can explain my life right now is to parallel it to surfing. I remember when surfing was my life way back in the day. I was really into long boarding, surfing every day at the break of dawn and I loved it even though I would often times get migraines afterward from some reason. I would pick something to work on each day and my Uncles in Waikiki would help coach me to get better. One day it would be nose riding, another day it would be cut backs, another day would be floaters, etc. Anyway, I got pretty good at it and then I decided I wanted to switch to short boarding and everything changed. I had a really hard time just getting up faster on the shortboard, turning was different, everything was different. When I finally got the hang of it I then had a hard time readjusting to the longboard. The longboard turned differently and reacted differently. Eventually after much persistence I got the hang of surfing both kinds of boards and now although I don't surf that often any more, I guess the muscle memory kind of stuck around as well as the lessons that came along with the big switch.

So how does this parallel with life? I guess I feel like I've gone through a million phases in my life trying to find myself or something. Before college I got really good at having fun. I was inspired, artistic and had a lot of friends. Once I got into college after feeling called to study medicine after a medical mission trip, I poured myself into school and got really good at that (for the most part). My life was studying and doing well in school and tests. Now I feel like I'm in a totally different season. My life is not my own. My plans are not my own. I have no idea where I'm going. I'm having a really hard time adjusting to this new kind of life, trying to seek God first in everything I do and obeying when it requires sacrifice. It feels like I'm switching from my longboard to a shortboard. The only difference is that things are done differently in this way of living. I can't do things on my own strength or with my own elaborate plans. I have no trajectory. All I can to is seek and listen and obey. I feel so blind but I know God will come through. I guess I'm really learning what it's like to lose my life in order to truly live. It's so scary! I guess then next thing is to find a balance. How am I going to incorporate my spiritual life with my physical life? I think I'm learning the hard way that everyone is different, God speaks to people differently, he works in people's lives differently and people get filled up differently. For example, for some people a day of rest can consist of sleeping in, chilling out, etc. For me I think I need to get my bike ride in, my devos done, my to do list done and then hang out. I know this is just a long drawn out entry of reflection, but I need to write. More of everything to come soon. Hopefully pictures, random thoughts, inspired pieces, recipes... Love love love