"Society... was regarded (by the Desert Fathers) as a shipwreck from which each single individual man had to swim for his life... These were men who believed that to let oneself drift along, passively accepting the tents and values of what they knew as society, was purely and simply a disaster.

They knew that they were helpless to do any good for others as long as they floundered about in the wreckage. But once they got a foothold on solid ground, things were different. They had not only the power but even the obligation to pull the whole world to safety around them."

Therefore the desert fathers decided they needed to put off their compulsive selves, throwing the compulsive self into the furnace of transformation, or solitude (in the desert). This would be the place where they would face their demons and temptations. It was there that the would purge anything of the false compulsive self and transform into the new self, becoming gracious and compassionate ministers. They did not pursue solitude in order to move away from people but rather to move closer to them through compassionate ministry.

"Solitude is the furnace of transformation. Without solitude we remain victims of our society and continue to be entangled in the illusions of the false self. Jesus himself entered into this furnace.  There he was tempted with the three compulsions of the world:

1. To be relevant (turn stones into loaves)
2. To be spectacular (to throw yourself down)
3. To be powerful (I will give you all these kingdoms)

There he affirmed God as the only source of his identity (You must worship the Lord your God and serve him alone)."

From The Way of the Heart

Jury Duty

Ok, I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything for our country but seriously, why can't the government just pay people whatever they make an hour to cover the expense of not being at work for days or weeks? People would be way more willing to serve and stop trying to make dumb excuses to be excused! I mean I'm sure they could have a cap of how much they can pay people per hour but people have lives and jobs and bills to pay!!!

Por favor, sale de mis pensamientos
Sale de mis sueños
Deciembre es tan largo para esperar
Pero por Deciembre espero

Para borrarte de mi memoria
Para borrarte de mi mente
La conversación fue historia
La conversación fue inspirante

Pero una conversación no es suficiente para conocerte
No es suficiente para amarte
Pero es suficiente para recordarte
Sólo suficiente para idealizarte

Me dices- extendalas ramas al cielo
Pero el sol está oscuro
Dices- metelos raíces hondo
Pero la tierra está tan seco

Me daste alas para volar pero no sé donde voy
Me daste las riquezas del mundo pero no sé que quiero
Me daste deseos y sueños y planes pero mio es tuyo
Dirígeme, Llevame a tu mundo

I'm finally beginning to understand the concept of striving. Not striving in the sense of "striving for excellence" but more like the definition: to struggle vigorously, as in opposition or resistance: to strive against fate; or to exert oneself vigorously. I think many take the side of either extreme, they either strive for some kind of goal and will fight for it till they exhaust all energies or they are complacent. Although I'm not buddhist, I keep coming back to Siddhartha's illustration about taking the middle path. He had a concrete example about a stringed instrument: if the string is too loose it won't play a tune, if it's too tight it will break, but if the string is taut (in between basically) it will play the most beautiful music. The problem with Siddhartha's theory is that we're supposed to do this by ourselves. We are the gods, we control things. But how can this be? We are not all wise, all knowing even if we sat and meditated for years! Maybe we could come up with some good theories or epiphanies but how can we know the mysteries of the universe, or even the mysteries of ourselves without some higher knowledge, whether it be from a peer, a mentor or even God? Alone we are still striving for something even if it is just enlightenment. 

Even youths grow tired and weary, 

       and young men stumble and fall;

 but those who hope in the LORD 

       will renew their strength. 

       They will soar on wings like eagles; 

       they will run and not grow weary, 

       they will walk and not be faint. 

I remember one good illustration about the concept of soaring rather than striving: One sunday our pastor was speaking on this verse and talking about soaring on wings like eagles vs. the pigeon flapping its wings like crazy. Very memorable because our pastor is latino and very animated. He spoke of people trying to do so many things and take on so many projects because they feel the need to build a stairway to heaven on good deeds or something.  Maybe they do this to repay God back for what he has done or to win the approval of others. This kind of unending effort resembles a pigeon more than an eagle. On the other hand to soar on wings like eagles looks like prayerfully considering the season we are in or the responsibilities we take on, rather than taking on tasks because we feel obligated or feel we need to prove something or fill our schedules. I am by no means trying to encourage laziness but rather peace. Instead of worrying about the next task, to be present in all situations. I also believe that it can be amazing when God asks us to take on things that we cannot do on our own so that he can show up. 

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not us. We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed.

I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and will rescue you.

Our God is all wise, all knowing and his plans are for good if we are pursing Him and His ways. All we need to do is know that he is God and fully give him our lives to mold into what he created us to be. I think the hard part is waiting for his timing especially if we are given insight for the things he is wanting to do in our lives.

Bro

I had the opportunity to shoot my brother for the first time for his headshot for acting!

Second Try... With 50mm macro lens and makeshift light box

Emerging Adulthood the new Adolescence?


I'm 24 and definitely not where I thought I would be by now. I guess I figured I would be in med school in the mainland studying my little butt off or something. If you asked me when I was in high school where I would be by now I would have pictured myself in the big city, living in a really cool loft, probably working for a fashion magazine or something. I would not have pictured myself still living at home after getting my bachelors degree and waiting to get into nursing school. On the other hand, I would not have pictured some of the amazing things God is working on in my life, like working with Jr. high girls, being involved with young adults, being part of a great community and working on my relationship with Him. Sometimes when I see people who have gotten to where I wanted to be in such a short time I think wow, you really can gain the whole world and lose your soul. Yet considering all these things, what is going on with the young adults these days? Am I an anomaly whose life didn't go near where I thought it would at this point, or am I just one of the many? I read an article in the New York times this morning What is it about the 20 somethings? that addressed the issue of "Emerging Adulthood" becoming the new adolescence. Our generation seems to be going through a moratorium, postponing growing up by either prolonging education, traveling, trying different jobs, relationships, etc. Why is this? Why are we having a hard time reaching the so called milestones of adulthood? Is it because of our culture? Is it because of our parents or is it because we are privileged and have too many options? Is it good to get all of our wandering and self discovery over with before we settle down and end up with a mid-life crisis wondering how we got here? It will be interesting to see. I guess only time will tell. I do not, however, think that the government should change how they treat people in their 20's, giving us more privileges or time to grow up because we will take it and adulthood will be postponed till the 30's or 40's before we know it.

Psalm 112:4-8

Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,
for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.

Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely,

who conducts his affairs with justice.

Surely he will never be shaken;
a righteous man will be remembered forever.

He will have no fear of bad news;

his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.

His heart is secure, he will have no fear;
in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.

I love how in these verses David does not speak of how only good things happening to good people. Contrary to the popular belief of putting positive energy to get positive things back, karma or being a good person and good things will happen to you, David focuses on trusting in the Lord. God is not good because he gives us what we want but he is good because he gives us what we need. Most time the two do not match up. We think we know ourselves but God not only knows who we are but who he made us to be and what he asks us for is willing hearts and surrender; then he is able to use us for his purposes and his glory. Even though there may be darkness for a while, there will be light for the upright. Though we may be given bad news we know that God will work all things together for good according to his purposes. That is why our hearts are secure when we trust God.

My First Attempt at Shooting Product

I obviously have much to learn... I need more light!!!

It's hard not to try to fill the void in my soul
To not take the reins but let them go
To not numb the pain with bliss and ecstasy
To sever this cord between you and me
To die to myself again and again
To leave my life here in your hands

What do you want with this complete surrender
To find me a blank canvas here forever
Where can I go to finally find rest
To find love and peace and true happiness
Here at your feet on my knees I call
In hopes to hear you instead of nothing at all

Preview of the photoshoot

Agosto ha empezado

Full Moon in Waikiki

My roomie to be

Honestly a way more fun pic of the sunset, this guy's mutton chops were off the hook!

How to beat the cold that's going around


Even though it's not quite cold season yet, the cold's been going around lately. People are getting head/chest colds in the middle of the summer that are lasting 2+ weeks. Since I've been hanging out with some friends with colds because I love them so much, I found myself fighting not to get sick for the last couple of weeks and was wondering what kind of things I could do to boost my immune system without paying any money (the pake in me). The first thing I wondered about was if caffeine would hinder my immune system from getting stronger. Struggling with a run-down feeling and having to work anyway, I just wanted a cup of tea! So with a little bit of research I have some answers that include but are not limited to:

Basic cold prevention:

• regular exercise
• green, white or chamomile tea (antioxidants and for chamomile essential oils and stress relief)
• relaxing-not stressing out

Things that increase your likeliness of catching a cold:

• poor sleep
• stress
• poor nutrition
• cigarette smoking

What you can do once you feel like you are catching a cold

• get enough rest
• up your vitamin c and herbal supplements (essential oils, echinacea, zinc...)
• stay hydrated- limit caffeine intake because it dehydrates your body (diuretic)
• exercise moderately, can clear up congestion temporarily, endorphins boost immune system. Don't exercise with a fever or if you have a combination of asthma and a cold
• stay away from processed foods and focus on eating more fruits, vegetables and protein
• do something that fills you up (endorphins help boost immune system
• pho (my magic remedy)

For more reading:

10 ways to boost immune health

Web MD

Exercise and Immunity

Teas for colds

Passage of the day:

Without Him (the Holy Spirit), people operate on their own strength and only accomplish human-size results. The world is not moved by love or actions that are of human creation. And the church is not empowered to live differently from any other gathering of people without the Holy Spirit. But when believers live in the power of the Spirit, the evidence in their lives is supernatural. The church cannot help but be different and the world cannot help but notice.

-Forgotten God pg. 17

Title: The First Blog in a long time...


Oh my goodness, it's been a long time since I've blogged. So much has gone on since well, forever. It's hard to know where to start. I've just described to a friend that the only way I can explain my life right now is to parallel it to surfing. I remember when surfing was my life way back in the day. I was really into long boarding, surfing every day at the break of dawn and I loved it even though I would often times get migraines afterward from some reason. I would pick something to work on each day and my Uncles in Waikiki would help coach me to get better. One day it would be nose riding, another day it would be cut backs, another day would be floaters, etc. Anyway, I got pretty good at it and then I decided I wanted to switch to short boarding and everything changed. I had a really hard time just getting up faster on the shortboard, turning was different, everything was different. When I finally got the hang of it I then had a hard time readjusting to the longboard. The longboard turned differently and reacted differently. Eventually after much persistence I got the hang of surfing both kinds of boards and now although I don't surf that often any more, I guess the muscle memory kind of stuck around as well as the lessons that came along with the big switch.

So how does this parallel with life? I guess I feel like I've gone through a million phases in my life trying to find myself or something. Before college I got really good at having fun. I was inspired, artistic and had a lot of friends. Once I got into college after feeling called to study medicine after a medical mission trip, I poured myself into school and got really good at that (for the most part). My life was studying and doing well in school and tests. Now I feel like I'm in a totally different season. My life is not my own. My plans are not my own. I have no idea where I'm going. I'm having a really hard time adjusting to this new kind of life, trying to seek God first in everything I do and obeying when it requires sacrifice. It feels like I'm switching from my longboard to a shortboard. The only difference is that things are done differently in this way of living. I can't do things on my own strength or with my own elaborate plans. I have no trajectory. All I can to is seek and listen and obey. I feel so blind but I know God will come through. I guess I'm really learning what it's like to lose my life in order to truly live. It's so scary! I guess then next thing is to find a balance. How am I going to incorporate my spiritual life with my physical life? I think I'm learning the hard way that everyone is different, God speaks to people differently, he works in people's lives differently and people get filled up differently. For example, for some people a day of rest can consist of sleeping in, chilling out, etc. For me I think I need to get my bike ride in, my devos done, my to do list done and then hang out. I know this is just a long drawn out entry of reflection, but I need to write. More of everything to come soon. Hopefully pictures, random thoughts, inspired pieces, recipes... Love love love