Booker T Washington said, "Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome."
This quote brings me back down to earth for a minute then I go back to thinking about the things I have or haven't achieved and the social position I am at now. Coming from a homeschooled background, my forté was definitely in the humanities division. I loved art and music and reading and writing. Although I could have gone down the path of art or history I chose to move toward the direction of math and science because I wanted to conquer them. I didn't want to go through life avoiding a part of it. And where am I now? I am battling with the decision between going for my MD or NP degree. I have overcome although not conquered my math and science classes (meaning not always getting an A). Although calculus nor biochem were always required, I felt like they were a barrier to overcome and I did. Now being an alumnus of the University of Hawaii, I find myself jobless and confused as to where I am going next. According to Booker T. Washington, I am successful, I have overcome so much educationally (in the sciences), physically (athletics), personally (self-growth, values and goals), relationally (with my family and friends), and spiritually (with God), but what do I have to show for it? I haven't even received my diploma in the mail, and when I do, what will I do with it? But in some twisted, untangible way, I am successful.
Now to my inquisition- Why would I want to be a doctor vs. becoming a nurse?
Let's see, I always wanted to be a doctor instead of a nurse primarily because of the title and amount of knowledge attained. There is nothing wrong with this although the other day I was reading in Ecclesiatstes:
"Do not be overrighteous neither be overwise- why destroy yourself?"
I believe this might be talking about self-righteousness and those who kill themselves trying to be holy, but could this be talking about killing yourself over knowledge? I have learned through my five years of college that I am determined and can work hard but I often have to kill myself to get a B or possibly an A if I'm lucky, in my science classes. I'm not like some where things just click and I don't have to study excessively. If I have to kill myself for four more years of med school then again in residency and then in practice, how will I have a life? My passions of photography, travel and triathlons will be put extremely on hold. Am I willing to sacrifice that?
My answer to that would be yes if I felt like God was calling me to that.
What is God calling me to?
I feel like I am called to encourage and heal people. I have a desire to help underdeveloped countries develop a sustainable heathcare system- hygiene and health education and also to be able to sustain themselves without depending on pharmaceutical companies, corporations or developed countries. I want to be able to incorporate holistic and allopathic medicines. I feel that somehow my passion for photography and writing will be incorporated in my dreams. I want to be able to have a globally educated family, one that is driven to make the world more sustainable and to help people have a better quality of life. I believe that God wants me to be passionate in what I do and in that both he, I and those around me will find joy.
The big problem is- as a doctor will I have time for all of that? Will I be able to encourage and heal people more efficiently as a nurse?
It's funny how even though I don't have a tv to totally brainwash me, nor did I grow up with one, the media has twisted my view of life and what it's supposed to be. My expectations of life, love and career are twisted. Sometimes I wish someone would hand us a paper that summed up our personality, traits, gifts and passions and tell us which job would bring us the most joy. I guess then we wouldn't be human and wouldn't have all the struggles we do... If only, if only...
